Lisbon is Rockin'
But You Might Need to Get There Before 2025
I just returned from Lisbon. The place is incredible. It teems with energy. Its migrant street hustlers aren’t obnoxious. Every illicit drug is legal but can’t be seen or smelled. Its downtown footprint is small and quaint but robust and bustling. Prices are low; restaurants and bars are plentiful.
Positives
I’ve Never Seen So Much Character in an Area
They say Lisbon is Europe’s second-oldest capital (after Athens). Could be. All the buildings are old. The streets are more like alleys. Everything winds and confuses, making it difficult to find anything. Be prepared to wander and wonder. It’s not a bad way to go, even if your left-hemispheric, goal-oriented approach freaks out when you find yourself turned around for the third time in 20 minutes.
Much of Lisbon was wiped out in the 1755 earthquake, a horrific event that haunts the Portuguese imagination, but quite a few buildings survived and their neighborhoods were preserved. Much of the rebuilding that took place after the earthquake is also preserved, along with the winding pre-automobile roads.
Port Wine
Port wine is great, even if sweet. Portuguese red wine is also great. At restaurants, you just need to order the cheap house wine. It’ll surpass pretty much anything in the United States.
Ginja, a cherry liqueur, is also recommended. It’s the perfect after-dinner drink, especially if you get it in the chocolate cup.
The Weather is Great
I was blessed with exceptionally good weather (low seventies and sun), but even Lisbon’s bad weather is good. It’s the southernmost European capital, and it’s on the ocean, giving it a temperate and delightful climate, but I hear it often gets brutally hot in the summer.
They Like Americans
Unlike their unthankful Spanish neighbors, who I hear loathe American tourists, the Portuguese still find us amusing and profitable. We’ll see if that changes as tourism increases (see below), but as of now, their receptiveness to the ugly American is encouraging.
The Public Transportation is Great
Trolleys, trains, subways, funiculars, and ferries—they’re all great, clean, and easy to use. We only had to use Uber once.
Negatives
English is Not as Widespread as the YouTube Travel Shows Say
Yes, everyone speaks English . . . a little, but I recommend a few weeks with Duolingo. A handful of Portuguese goes a long way, and they seem to appreciate the effort.
Graffiti
Street art is everywhere, but about half of it isn’t “art.” It’s just spray paint vandalism, and Lisbon refuses to stop it (the only penalty for graffiti is confiscation of the spray can). The Lisbon authorities try to clean up the vandalism, but they can’t keep up with it. Even though the city is very clean, you must “look past” the graffiti, or you’ll constantly feel like you’re walking in a slum.
Portuguese Food Isn’t Great
It’s not bad, but it’s not great. All the seafood has the “fishy” taste that non-fish lovers (like me) detest. The pork bifana is delightful, but it gets old after three meals. For the most part, the food is bland, but their version of pepperoni pizza is great, and their famed pastry, the pastel de nata, is the best pastry I’ve ever tried. I ate ten.
They Ruined Fatima
The Fatima memorial is an ocean of cement with monolithic plain buildings that would make the average American post office proud. They did everything to wipe out every sense of awe and wonder. They preserved the small wooded area where Mary appeared, and there was one good church, but otherwise, I found it a borderline scandal.
Portugal Doesn’t Have a Lot of Relevant History
Quick: Name a Portuguese saint who wasn’t the recipient of Marian apparitions in 1917. I couldn’t either. There are Portuguese saints, but they’re all minor ones, except Anthony Padua, who was born and raised in Lisbon but left when he was 20, later making his holy name in northern Italy.
It’s kinda like that with everything. The Portuguese simply didn’t do much after the Age of Discovery, which still delights the Portuguese imagination as much as the earthquake haunts it. Vasco da Gama and Co. are secular saints despite their cruelty. I’m no “anti-imperialist” leftist, but during my visit, I couldn’t stop thinking about this passage from David Landes’ The Wealth and Poverty of Nations about the Portuguese treatment of the natives they encountered:
No brutality was too much. All Muslim shipping was fair game; all Muslim kingdoms were defined as foes. On his second voyage of 1502, Vasco da Gama capped a victory over a Muslim flotilla by cutting off the ears, noses, and hands of some eight hundred ‘Moors’ and sending them ashore to the local ruler with the facetious suggestion that he make curry of them. And one of his captains, his maternal uncle Vincente Sodre flogged the chief Muslim merchant at Cannanore (Malabar coast) until he fainted, then stuffed his mouth with excrement and covered it with a slab of pork to make sure he ate the filth.
Lisbon is About to Be Ruined
Among the major European cities, Lisbon is still relatively “under-touristed.” That’s about to change. United and American Airlines will open direct flights to Lisbon next year. The Spectator says this will ruin Lisbon, and I believe them. I guess we’ll see.